Reflecting on the entrepreneurial journey of the last three years as the founder of ChaoSurfing, a transformational coaching venture, has been an odyssey of profound self-discovery, resilience, and creativity. Using the classic “Man in a Hole” story structure, I’ll share my voyage through comfort, crisis, and recovery to a better place, underpinned by the lessons of deep listening, presence, and the artistry of living amidst chaos.

Comfort Zone: The Safe but Unfulfilling Beginning

Six years ago, I was nestled in a world of supporting others’ visions within the cannabis industry. My motivational and coordination skills propelled projects forward, yet a latent frustration brewed within me. I was adept at bringing others’ dreams to fruition, but my own potential felt stifled. Extracting ideas from my employers’ minds often resembled deciphering cryptic puzzles, leaving me yearning for autonomy and creative expression.

Trigger: The Descent into Darkness

In early 2018, the waves of chaos began to crest with dizzying intensity. A polycule lovership, a long-cherished dream, materialized. Cohabiting and collaborating with partners felt like an unstoppable force, a convergence of personal and professional synergy. Yet, as conflicts and a partner’s psychosis shattered this ideal, my world crumbled. Coupled with working under a dark triad personality boss whose manipulation unearthed deep childhood wounds, my emotional sovereignty crumbled, and I took a very humbling nose dive and several rounds of ego-bitchslapping by Chaos Waves. We all lost our jobs and parted in discord. I was left only with one frazzled partner in psychosis recovery and high levels of exhaustion. At the end of 2018, I got back on the board, despite my doctor’s warnings.

Crisis: The Depths of Despair

Mid-2019 brought the final blow: an apartment fire that left me unable to perform my job anymore. Exhausted and creatively bankrupt, I hit rock bottom, my nervous system frayed, and my spirit depleted. We descended into the abyss. I found myself caretaking a shattered psyche, both my partner’s and my own. The future was a nebulous void. I spent hours in front of a mirror, seeking an elusive answer to what might come next. Suddenly, amidst the silence, a revelation emerged: coaching. It was a lifeline, a beacon amidst the chaos.

Recovery: The Ascent Begins

Determined to rebuild, I immersed myself in the coaching industry. First, I sought out offers for my own healing process, and then choosing a training school and securing investment marked the beginning of my climb. Simultaneously, the Antero Alli 8 Circuit Brain Course became a cornerstone of my recovery. Rituals like the 3 Course Dinner with friends grounded me, while the Salt Bathtub Ritual reconnected me to my body. Word Fasting cultivated a profound love for silence, and covering mirrors shifted my self-perception. The emotional investment list illuminated the imbalance in my relationships, clarifying the roots of my burnout.

As I reassembled my life, the pandemic struck in 2020. I was coming out of a psycho-somatic retreat when the first lockdown hit. The world was facing rising tides of uncertainty, and instead of worrying about that my brain went to: “well we all better start surfing Chaos,” and I laughed and praised Eris. So the name “ChaoSurfing” was born for my little venture.

Despite the allure of a funded three-year training as a Healing Practitioner, I chose to surf the chaos, embracing the uncertainty with a blend of determination and naïveté. I took further training to figure out how to build a life as a self-employed Agent of Change, I commissioned a logo, built a program and a webpage, and registered ChaoSurfing with the Finanzamt as a freelance business for: Coaching, Mentoring, Facilitating, Consulting, and Ritual Design.

Better Place: Emerging Stronger

Six years later, I stand transformed. The coaching training and practice have not only honed my professional skills but also deeply altered my personal configuration. Once a compulsive talker, I have evolved into a silent observer, curious about diverse perspectives rather than driven to rally others to my opinions and causes. My ADHD brain, once a source of relentless chatter, now finds solace in the hyperfocus of deep listening and presence. The know-it-all advice giver has been replaced by a curious and questioning mind that gives space for others to develop their thoughts and own solutions.

Taking the long journey through the valley of tears has unlocked deeper sensitivity in my nervous system and equanimity within my being. Even though my mind is still the ruling aspect of my system, it does not reign supreme anymore as intuition, energetics, and hedonic playfulness have gained terrain as aspects of consciousness. But coaching and the skills needed for that were one of many things I had to learn. The challenge of finding an aligned way to play the marketing game is still an ongoing exploration and has required investing in skills like writing, storytelling, graphic design, community nurturing, algorithm whispering, and social media consumption management.

And the biggest challenge yet: managing my own resources while being my own boss, human resources department, creative department, marketing department, sales department, philosophy department, coaching department, workshop department, networking department, bookkeeping department, lecturing department, video creation department, and probably a few more.

Looking back, the journey from comfort to crisis, and finally to a better place, has been an alchemical process of transformation. ChaoSurfing is more than a business; it is a manifestation of my commitment to rapid evolution, a testament to the power of embracing chaos as a catalyst for personal and collective evolution and finding balance within to surf the waves. It embodies the belief that true (r)evolution begins within, through deep inner work of liberation. As I continue to surf the waves of chaos, I remain committed to fostering a community of curious, courageous neuro-spicy edge-dwellers ready to navigate the tumultuous 8 Seas of Chaos with grace and joy as part of my mission of playful liberation of consciousness.